PRESSURE PRESS ARCHIVE

55 CONDITIONS, A PLAY ACT ONE (plain stage-light. no external sound.) Man: I want to fuck you. Woman: I feel fucked already. (light fades gray. outside air sounds of the city.) Woman: I want to fuck you. Man: There isn't room, but you try anyways. (rude, red light. loud dance-music. breathing heavily:) Man: I want to fuck you in the tight ass of forbidden pleasure. Woman: I'm a pine-cone piece of shit for pussy or what? (darkness, orange tips of cigarettes move around. farm-night crickets.) Woman: I want to fuck you like a languid dildo corn-hole. Man: Because I can't fix the tractor? (very yellow light. car-horns galore.) Man: I want to fuck. You hear me? I want to fuck. Woman: Under 55 conditions. (blue light on man, pink light on woman. birds.) Woman: I want to fuck you 55 times the amount you fuck me. Man: Deal. (strobe. manic violins.) Man: I want to fuck you with this here (unzippering) cock. (a small canary flies out of the man's pants.) Woman: (snapping a whip.) Where'd that little thing fly off to? You got a name? (plain stage-light. no external sound.) Woman: I want to love you. Man: Under 55 conditions, cunt. SHORT INTERMISSION (dawn-light before full sunrise. sound of a creek.) Man: (casting a fishing-line.) I don't want to fuck you. Woman: (reeling in a fish, excited.) It's a brown trout I just know it! (bright white light. machinery in a factory.) Woman: (hard-hatted.) I want to fuck you in the fucking head. Man: (in a beret.) Will all the thoughts of humans vanish? (kaleidoscope. circus music.) Man: I want to love you. Woman: Under 55 conditions, cocksucker. (darkness. silence drags.) Woman: I want welts on yr ass. I want to hear yr screams of delight! Man: (lighting a cigarette. he just stares at her.) (thick green light. jungle cackle.) Man: I want to fuck you enough to love you...I mean love you enough to fuck you! Woman: There isn't need for profanity. (plain stage-light. saws & hammering.) Man: I love you. Woman: (laughing.) Will all the thoughts of humans vanish? END ACT ONE SHORT INTERMISSION   monday, 5:30 p.m. ACT TWO (strobe.) (victorian harpsichord music.) (man & woman dance.) Man: Haven't I seen you here before? Woman: It all depends who you ask. Man: I'm asking YOU. I think I've seen you here before. Woman: (pushes man away.) Never! (kaleidoscope.) (Sinatra, softly.) Man: (holding out flowers.) These are for you. Woman: (wary.) What do you want? Man: (throws flowers at audience.) Woman: (smiles, laughs.) Flowers for love? Flowers for love? (darkness grows to faint light.) (bouncing of basketball.) Woman: I need fucked by a manless man who isn't infected. Man: I want to fuck you & I'm virus-free. (a surgeon's outfit falls from the ceiling. The man dresses. He suggests his stethoscope is a sexual object.) Woman: I love you. Love means I don't stop yr hands or tongue. Man: (listens over her whole body with the stethoscope.) Deep wounds, Mrs. Smith..., very deep wounds... (dark blue light.) (loud ticking clock.) Man: I keep remembering, then forgetting, remembering, either I'm always forgetting or always remembering, I remember & I forget. Woman: Poker? (she takes a deck of cards from her pocket.) Man: I'm broke. Woman: Strip-poker, you dummy. (plain stage-light.) (sound of heart-beat increases throughout.) Man: (naked.) I want to touch you. Woman: (in street-clothes, backing away.) This isn't a part of the play! This isn't a part of the play! (looks frantic into audience.) This isn't a part of the play! Man: Please, let me touch you. Woman: (runs off stage into aisle. man stops. they point fingers at each other.) YOU DON'T KNOW HOW TO LOVE ME! ALL LIGHTS OUT END as heart-beat fades